xxkimby

Writing

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 04:22:08 GMT

I've always wanted to write a book, novel, short story, whatever. But I never really had the ideas or the patience to sit myself down and write one.

I had a thought before going to bed the other night and I thought to myself "Wow, Kim, this could totally be the beginning of a story." I'm not sure how far I'm going to run with this, but I really would like to get this story out of my head and on to my computer.

I'm nervous and excited about this. The last time that I tried to write something I got maybe two pages done and I gave up for some reason.

Wish me luck <3

Where have you been all my life?

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 19:40:45 GMT

So, for some strange reason I feel like I need to get back out into the world and start dating, which I have no idea how to do FYI, and find someone new. It's ridiculous because I just got out of an almost 3 year relationship and it has only been about a month and a half since we broke up. I have no idea why I feel this way since I know I need to heal, and to find myself again, and to truly appreciate who I am before going and jumping into a relationship again.

I just feel like I'm an odd fish and that being single is not cool, that you have to be with someone. I'm not saying that I'm not independent and that I need a person to figure out who I am, Hell no. I just feel.... alone....

Until yesterday... There is this guy Elliot, okay, his name is actually Paul but I call him Elliot, I work with him at Bidgoose and he's a pretty cool guy. At work we kind of chat it up but nothing deep, just general work subjects. But yesterday I convinced him to change my oil for me, he taught me how, after I bought him lunch and we seriously sat in Red Robin talking for over 3 hours. This isn't romantic in ANY way, shape, or form. It's more of, a guy friend that I've always needed, someone who I can talk openly to and he doesn't back off or get scared. We talked about sex, viagra, drinking, drugs, random hooking up, making out, how to date, looks, our past, friends, everything that you could ever imagine and it felt... REALLY GOOD. I've never had a guy friend like that before where I can talk to him and ask him the most blunt of questions and he gives me a straight up answer, doesn't sugar coat it, doesn't try to impress me, or hide the truth from me.

I think that he is exactly what I've been needing, he's helping me to feel like I can actually get a guy that I want, date successfully, and get back to who I want to be, with a little bit of help along the way. I hope that yesterday wasn't some random day that never happens again because really, I would be very sad if on Tuesday when I go to work, we hardly speak....

Oh, Life

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 01:53:25 GMT

So, Ruben bought my car today, my old Honda Civic since I bought my Jeep Liberty. It was really nice getting rid of it because it's extra money, but I can't help but feel weird that it was him who bought it. He has a Honda of his own and it runs perfectly fine, actually, a bit better than my old one did. I feel like he only bought it from me because somehow, he wanted to keep a part of me with him always, that even though we're not together anymore there will be something with him everyday that reminds him of me. It's weird, I know, and maybe I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak, but still, he always said how much better his car was than mine.

I'm exhausted. Working two jobs is really wearing on me. I don't want to quit my full time job because it is an amazing opportunity, and my part time job I don't want to leave because I would be leaving my friend in the dust. I just need to figure out how to work both jobs, have time for myself, and friends, and hopefully sleep. I've got dark circles under my eyes, not too good.

I gave up coffee and cigarettes

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 00:47:14 GMT

It seems like for some reason my life is a total reverse reality. I thought that once I was single that I would be broken and not know what to do. Instead, it's the exact opposite, he's the one who is broken and wants to be together again. It's not going to happen, but it breaks my heart to tell him no. I feel myself becoming the person that I want to be, and then he texts me again, and all that hard work goes down the drain and I become that person again. I don't want to be her again, I don't want her to come back because I almost couldn't look myself in the mirror in those days...

I feel like right now my life is kind of in a stand still... I'm working two okay jobs, but I'm not totally happy in either of them. I know that I won't be happy until I find my perfect dreamy job which in my heart I know is book editing, or publishing, or maybe just somewhere where I can read great books and call it my job. School is the only thing in my way. I'm NOT crazy about school, in all reality I hate school and am not a school person. I love learning and finding things on my own, but to be in a classroom and listed to someone talking for eight hours bores me to death and I feel like I'm in high school again falling asleep in every class. I still did well in school, just never really paid attention.

I thought college would be different, totally amazing and a life changing experience, but it wasn't. I think the reason why I dropped out of college in the first place was because I just didn't have the attention span to be in a classroom. I want to achieve my dream job, but school is just one step that I keep avoiding. I said I would go back in January, but then it got pushed back because of the car situation, now I have a perfect Jeep, but yet I still don't want to go back to school. But I don't want to work and BidGoose for the rest of my life listing stuff on eBay either.

Change is coming.. I feel it. I'm scared of what it might bring, but at the same time terribly excited for a breath of fresh air.

<3

I'm back...

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 06:28:00 GMT

So it's been a little over 2 years since I've actually been on here. I can't believe that I haven't been on here for that long.

Looking back at my posts I feel like that is a completely different person that wrote all of those posts. I feel like over the past two years I've changed so much that I can't really even place my fingers on what has changed.

I guess I wanted to come back on here because I need a place where I can just write about what I'm feeling. If people read them, great, but if not at least I'm writing my feelings and thoughts down and not keeping them all in my head.

Looking back at my posts it seemed that I thought Ruben would be my boyfriend, and he was the one that I lost my virgin lips to, I lost a lot of things to him. It's weird to think that the person who wrote all of those things had no idea that a little over two years later she would be single, broken hearted, and her and Ruben had shared two and a half pretty amazing years.

Things ended.... Badly, but they got a little better, we can never be together again, but I thought we could at least be friends again. That will never happen, or not for a while at least, because he is still in love with me. Even though he is the one who ended things. I feel like it happened for the best, I wasn't a good person when I was with him. I learned a lot of things from him, patience, understanding, love, reason. But I also let my anger and rage come out I became a very bitter person and I didn't like the person that I became. I feel like I'm changing back to the person that I want to be and eventually I will totally be her. I don't think I would have been able to do that if he and I were still together.

But now I'm stuck looking back at almost three years and wondering what to do now.... He was my high school sweetheart, he was my first boyfriend, first love, first everything. I have so much history with him, know everything about him. Now, I have to start over, move forward and hope that I can find someone who completes me. I know it won't happen for some time, but it's hard having all of my friends around me finding their significant others, or getting engaged, married, having kids, it's amazing I'm almost 20 but I feel like I am too old to be single. Could just be the culture around me with girls being married off right after graduation, but starting over is going to be hard.

I'm so grateful that I have the amazing friends and support system that I do, because without them I would be lost and alone, but I feel that with them, I can do anything.

So dear LiveJournal... I'm back. <3

wow

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 20:29:59 GMT

it's been a way long time since i've updated on here
pretty much my last few weeks have been filled with
-reading harry potter
-hanging out with jess
-working
-loosing my virgin lips
and so much more

this summer has actually been way fun
even though life is sucky and i don't get to go to cali and see all my HOT lovers.
which makes me really sad.
but now i get to work and make more money.
so yes.
i close tonight yet again
i close 5 nights this week.
which sucks but i get to work with uben which is alway nice :]]

what a weekend

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 02:18:22 GMT

so wow.
i'll start off with friday.
I went over to Jess's house at like ten along with Sarah, we went to the store to get snacks for our Lagoon adventure. We got all sorts of candy and then got Icees which are amazing :]] .
They guys [david and josh] picked us up and off to Lagoon we went.
We listened to david's rap mix lol it was pretty amazing. :]]
Lagoon was hot and kinda boring. just because none of the rides i wanted to go on were open so it was really lame. we left early saying that jess had to babysit so we could get rid of sarah, rude i know, but she wouldn't have approved of our plans. so me and jess went to her house and got ready then went to david's house and partied with his crew. it was so funny to see everyone drunk. i wasn't drunk of course. but oh my. people are so stupid when they're drunk. so we stayed there till like 12 and then went to her house where i slept over.
Saturday i had to work from 1230 to close. which was soooooooo long. seriously. i wanted to die. cuz it was way hot and i just ugh i was sweating and my feet hurt and it was just not fun. closing with manuel was alright though cuz we got out way early. but when i got outside ruben was there and wanting to talk. it was really weird. and he gave me a huge stuffed animal. ugh i don't even know what to do.
Sunday which is today, i worked with jess and david and it was rather fantastic. me and jess stayed after and ate together :]]
now i'm sluffing youth and making a mix cd for jess and me that has all our songs on that we love from this weekend :]]
wow. what a weekend it's been.
this week i worked so much.
and next week i do too.

ugh

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 18:56:25 GMT

it seems all i do is write and complain about work on here.
but maybe thats because thats all i do is work.
but yesterday. okay. so i opened. and then i had to work a 7 hour shift.
well i worked with two idiots that pretty much didn't help me at all.
cuz i was cook and they were doing front. the entire shift i didn't get to sit down or even take my 30 minute break. I was running around and cooking and restocking and prepping. it was insane. i was so tired coming home yesterday.
i stareted reading twilight again. just because i was bored. haha. :]] good book to read when you're bored and having no internet access.
so now it's monday, and i work, yet again. but i get to work with jess and memo and ruben today. so it should be rather fantastic.
:]]
countdown to CALIFORNIA IS 36 MORE DAYS TILL I'M IN CALI WITH THE CREW!
so i've got stuff to look forward to :]]
so now i shall be off to do something, maybe organize more. i organized all my bloody photos last night, maybe i'll do more of that. har har har.

lame

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 19:59:31 GMT

-my computer is de internetized
-i have to work tonight
-have to open tomorrow
-and also sunday
-i am bored out of my mind
-it's freaking hot here
-my phone never gets texts anymore
-jon left today

now the good...
-i had a grilled cheese sandwich today
-i get to work with ang tonight
-my hair looks great
-i'm off to get lip gloss
-i get to see my girlies in about a month
-crap. i forgot rubens cd's at home...

gahh gotta run back home.
peace kiddies. :]]

best thing ever

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 22:23:51 GMT

I'M GOING TO CALI I'M GOING TO CALI.
AND I'M GOING TO STAY WITH TINA AND BREE
IT'S GONNA BE AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!

i finally get to see the ocean. yessssss...

duhhh my computer has been broken for the last day or two. well just the internet. so i've been doing a lot of playing solitair and hearts. i love those games. i've watched so many movies in the last few days it's insane. mhmm.
lets see i've watched
BOONDOCK SAINTS
MEAN GIRLS
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN
OCEANS 13
FIGHT CLUB
BIG DADDY
hmmmm... can't remember if theres anything else that i've watched.
anyway. off to work now. and i get to close.

sooo tired

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 17:36:13 GMT

arrrrg.
so i worked 9 freaking hours yesterday.
5-1:45 shift. at night...
wasn't supposed to but me and Jess wanted to close together.
Manuel and Ruben worked, but they were pissed at us so they didn't do anything.
until Jess made them feel bad and they started helping us when it was almost time for them to go home. So we got some stuff done. but we were so behind. and you're supposed to get out of there at like 12:25. yeah didn't happen.
So much crap was going on yesterday and it was just crazy.
Jess and her boyfriend broke up, and he was saying he was gonna kill himself.
Ruben and I quite possibly are better now, i hope so cuz i close with him tomorrow.
And Manuel though that Jess was doing pot.

So today i'm tired. cuz i hardly slept last night. Due to text messages at all hours of the night. and then getting called. gah i should just turn my bloody phone off.

but i'm going to see oceans 13 today. even though i haven't seen the first two. but thats alright. i'm excited :]]

needing a life

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 21:30:03 GMT

so yesterday i spent 3 hours at my work just chilling.
pathetic?
i think so.
haha. i did however have a sleep over at Katelyns house.
we watched Boondock Saints. which is the best movie is the world.
seriously. if you haven't seen it you're so lame.
we baby sat her nephew Julian today. it was so much fun.
We went to McDonalds and i went in the little kid play place with him.
there was this little girl who said i need to buy new pants cuz i have so many holes in mine.
i have to work tonight. but me and Jess are gonna try to close together.
and oh buddy. jon just came over and i'm half dressed and still wet haired and no make uped from a shower. hahah. good thing he's my big brother!
anyway. off to get ready now!

exciting day yesterday

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 20:37:00 GMT

so yesterday two of my friends. Nathaniel and Bekah C. had graduation parties.
oh my. so much fun. so much food. and so sad. it's hard to believe that another batch of my friends are graduating and moving on to bigger and better things. Nathaniel is moving to California with his family this summer and Bekah i believe is going to USU. wowza.
And to think, next year it's my turn. i don't know if i'm ready to graduate or not. because i just don't want to grow up. i mena i've already grown up, but to leave home and be out on my own. i'm kinda scaredddd.

So yesterday, Manuel decided not to come into work, who knows why, probably cuz he's been taking a lot of Memo's shifts. But anyway, so David, texts me asking if i'll come in and close with him so he doesn't have to work with Alex, who is an idoit. So i left my friends graduation party to close with David.
It was a rather eventful night. David's crazy wife showed up and was creating drama, and she freaking even slapped him. not cool dude. Angie came in and we all closed together. not getting out of there till 11:30. which was a long time considering we closed at 10. but we ate HUGE pickles. took pictures. and i chased David around causing him to hit his elbow really hard. oh man. it made my day.
So David and I have decided we're the shit. nothing you can do about it. :]]
We're gonna take over the Wiener and throw Elieen, Alex, Braxton, and Ruben in the shed at work and throw hot chili at the and wieners dipped in ice cream at them. And then me and David decided we're gonna take over, he's gonna be the head manager and i'm gonna be his assistant. cuz thats how we roll.
:]]
i'm off to see David at work now. ya ya.

why oh why i wonder

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 04:43:29 GMT

so i think today at work i got broken up with.
Ruben told me i'm young and i have a lot of friends and that i have a long future a head of me.
WTF?!?!?!
i was the one that wanted to just become friends.
but now he doesn't even want to talk to me.
gahhhhh.
sometimes i don't get things.
buuuut.
i wanted to punch someone in the face.
i wish i had.
might have made me feel better.

on a better note.
i think i'm going to cali this summer :]]

oyy

Fri, 08 Jun 2007 20:02:09 GMT

so last night i was talking to my friend jess.
and i found out some interesting stuff.
like the guy, who i thought i liked, Ruben.
he was asking her how he could get more physical with me.
freaking gross.
i'm really not into that stuff.
and i don't think i like him anymore.
but i dunno.
it's so hard.
gaaaah. i think i'm going to swear off boys for a while.

anyway. work tonight at 5. and i have to work with him.
and oh man. so like, my friend alfred came to see me one day when i worked.
and apparently Ruben got jealous because he was there.
but alfred is like my brother. it's so retarded. i hate this.

Tina has texting :]]

well now...

Fri, 08 Jun 2007 01:51:25 GMT

so today.
i've spent almost my entire day at work.
either working or chilling with people.

arg.
i might be going to see knocked up today.
i'm rally rather excited :]]
allllright.
well my life is pretty much boring.
i don't even know why i have one of these things cuz i never have anything going on.

hahah.
anyway. i'm off for now. bye kids.

well..

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 20:15:47 GMT

i haven't been on here in a while.
cuz i forgot my username. haha.
but i figured.
since bree's back.
i'll come back too.

today i went to albertsons and got to ride in the cart while my friend pushed me. :]]
and it was raining freaking hard.
made my dayyy.

oyyy

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 01:30:36 GMT

so.
i just figured out this contraption of a thing
haha. i don't even know if i do tihngs right.
but thats totally okay with me.
i'm terribly bored out of my mond because my friends are lame and aren't doing anything.
but yeah.
so this is my first official post on my cuite little live journal.
now i'm off to read.
:]]